Working and building relationships cross-culturally is one of the most challenging and rewarding things a person can attempt in their lifetime.? The world becomes a much larger place when you are able to rediscover it through another?s eyes.?? Of course, the act of seeing an issue from two, often incompatible viewpoints can create discomfort and inner conflict as well, which is why so few people are willing to embark on this journey or finish it to the end. ?One of the best models for the ?process? of becoming culturally competent comes from Milton J. Bennett, PH.D, the director of the Intercultural Development Research Institute in Portland, Oregon.? To read about it in his own words, click here.?
The shortened version is this: most of us are, to some degree,?ethnocentric.? This means that we are blind to our own culture and see it as ?normal,? and judge all other cultures to the degree that they conform to it.? To work cross-culturally, one has to develop?ethno-relativism, or the ability to empathize with another culture and understand?if not always agree with?their values, beliefs and practices.? This isn?t the ?moral relativism? that robs us of our ability to speak prophetically against individual and social injustice, but it is the ability to suspend judgment and understand the issue from the other side?s point of view, often a hard enough task within one?s own culture.? Bennett lays out a six-step process leading from ethnocentrism to ethno-relativism, beginning with Denial, and passing through stages of Defense, Minimization, Acceptance, Adaptation, and ending with Integration.??
Denial?is simply the failure to notice cultural differences in the first place, or limit them to broad stereotypes.? My father?s family comes from a largely Norwegian-American community in northeastern Iowa.? They could readily tell you the difference between Norwegians and Swedes (even if I?m somewhat fuzzy on that one), but when it comes to understanding Hispanic, African-American or Asian cultures, they are generally at a loss.? This is simply because those communities didn?t exist in their small towns when they were children. ?You don?t feel wet if you never get out of the pool (though some of these same small towns have become strikingly diverse in recent years).
However, in an increasingly multicultural society, it becomes harder and harder to isolate oneself from other cultures, and once a person becomes aware that not everyone else sees the world quite the same way they do, the next stage is often?Defense.? This is racism?s most obvious manifestation.? Those who are in the defense stage are critical or hostile toward people from other cultures, viewing them as dirty, less intelligent, violent, and a threat to themselves or their community.? We?ve all heard the snide comments in the office or on the bus, from people who seem to know only the dark sides of Minnesota?s immigrant and refugee communities, and act as though this is the only side that matters.
Ironically, there is another way that defense manifests itself, and that is?Reversal. ?This is the person who is continually bashing their own culture and elevating the new culture?from the cool, globally-aware hipster who rails indignantly about the shortcomings of America, to the child of immigrants who devalues his parents? culture and tries to be like his American classmates.
Once this stage is past, however, prejudices become more subtle, and you enter the?Minimization?stage.? You start to enjoy the company of those from another culture, and even demonstrate some genuine curiosity.? However, deep inside, you still harbor an implicit belief that if they only got a taste of your way of life, they?d agree that it is the better way.? You speak eagerly to your Bhutanese friend about your boyfriend or girlfriend, and how you get to choose whomever you want to marry without interference from your parents.? You assume she?ll find this freedom refreshing.? Instead, she frowns.
?Well, that?s a terrible idea,? she says.? ?Your eyes are clouded by love and you can?t see each other?s flaws.? But your parents know you, and they can see clearly whether or not you are right for each other.?
?But?freedom to choose!?And romantic love! And??
??Remind me, how high is the divorce rate in America??
Not every culture values democracy when they see the instability and competition it can create.? Not every culture values individualism when they see how easily it turns to selfishness.? Never assume that your Somali friend is unsatisfied with her life of staying home and raising children, nor should she make assumptions about you if you choose to remain unmarried and pursue a career instead.?
Most people don?t mature beyond the minimization stage, in spite of our best intentions.? The tricky thing about minimization is that it doesn?t seem like racism or prejudice to us?we mean well, we want to help, but we rashly and falsely assume that everyone wants to be like us and just need to be aided along the path. ?
When I was young, I remember visiting Chicago O?Hare airport and seeing a Muslim woman in a full burqa departing from a plane.? I felt pity for her?I?would never dress that way, so surely her abusive husband was forcing her to wear that! ?However, as I spent more time listening to the voices of Muslim women, even spending a few months living in the Middle East, a more nuanced picture would emerge. ?Many Muslim women are more devoted to their faith than their husbands, and for them, the hijab is a powerful symbol of that devotion to God?not unlike my own choice to wear a cross necklace as a symbol of my own faith. ?And one can only endure young men hooting at you in the?souk so many times before several yards of black fabric and a mask start to sound like a worthwhile investment.
I don?t imagine that many of us working and volunteering among refugees are in Denial or Defense mode.? However, it is hard to move beyond Minimization without a hefty dose of self-awareness.? We all ought to do a careful personal inventory, and be honest with ourselves about our motives.? Do we rush in to our relationships eager to show our friends what they?ve been missing all these years, in hopes of remaking them in our image?? Or do we recognize that what we see as just, beautiful and normal is just as much a product of our own culture and context, and remain open to the lessons?and occasional critiques?offered by those from other cultures?
A final note:? Each and every one of us is ?ethnic.?? If you are a white, middle-class suburbanite, you may feel as if you are a blank nothing against which all other cultures seem colorful and interesting, but rest assured, you have a culture and a right to celebrate it.? I never appreciated what it meant to be Norwegian-American until I built relationships with other ?hyphenated Americans,? who helped me notice and name the values and traditions within my own unique heritage, and the impact it has had on the broader culture of the Upper Midwest.? In a weird way, celebrating our heritage can make us?less?ethnocentric?once we are able to embrace our heritage as unique and interesting, we have less need to think of it as ?normal.?
Stay tuned for Part II.
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